How HE Wants Us To Live

Being an older person in jail/prison has its benefits.  While the environment is volatile and rife with violence and fear, there are many who seem to actually respect and treat with consideration the elders.  Being in my early 50's I qualified as a grandma type figure or "elder".  Although during the first 19 months I was in Dallas County Jail following my trial and awaiting results of the initial stages of my appeal I did run in to a few women right off the street who wanted to take on anybody and everybody.  That is a lifestyle I have never lived and having never physically fought I was no match for anyone, yet there were at least two instances at Dallas County where I had to stand my ground one way or another. 

Both instances happened in a medical general population tank at the Government Center in Dallas, also known as the George Allen Building.  In a tank there were 5 cells, and in each of the 5 cells there were 5 inmates.   So, in the tank's dayroom that we all shared there was 25 of us.  At night, between 11/12 p.m. and about 4 a.m. we were locked into our cell with our cellmates, so just 5 of us during that time.

I was having a difficult time with one of the women who had recently moved into our cell.  She had a reputation of lieing, picking fights and cheating at cards.  She was about 22 years old, a bully and very loud.  Her crime was stealing credit cards from little old ladies purses who were shopping at Walgreens Drug Stores.  She apparently was wanted by many and showed up on several security videos, as most every day she was called out to the magistrate court to receive more charges against her.  Last I knew she had well over 50 different charges brought against her.  At any rate, you can see by the crime that she was a predator of the elder so my age was probably a red flag to her but not in a good way.

One night once they had locked the cell for the 4 - 5 hours she started yelling at me.  I don't recall what set her off, if anything.  I just turned my back and ignored her but I also did not sleep a wink.  I was having such a difficult time that after breakfast at 4 in the morning I just stayed out in the dayroom with my Bible.  I opened it up and was immediately drawn to Chapter 4 in Colossians.  As I'm sure you know, Colossians was written by apostle, Paul, while imprisoned.  The Bible I had (sent to me by Sam, Nancy's husband and my minister) was The Message version, which is current day dialect, perfect for my understanding.  Colossians 4: 2 - 6 is as follows:

• "Pray diligently.  Stay alert, with your eyes wide open in gratitude.  Don't forget to pray for us, that God will open doors for telling the mystery of Christ, even while I'm locked up in this jail.  Pray that every time I open my mouth I'll be able to make Christ plain as day to them.  Use your head as you live and work among outsiders.  Don't miss a trick.  Make the most of every opportunity.  Be gracious in your speech.  The goal is to bring out the best in others in a conversation, not put them down, not cut them out."

Wow!  It certainly changed how I handled things.  Instead of fighting back or getting ugly with gossip I took the more positive approach.  There were no more outbursts by her toward me and I was able to get some sleep, trusting that when my eyes were closed I would be safe.  I was so thankful for the Bible and most especially for getting direction as to how to live, even under the worst of circumstances.

The other situation I wanted to tell you about started while my husband, Ron, was visiting one evening.  At the Government Center, the visiting was a bit different because of it being such an old facility.  The visitors actually came down the hall to where our tank was located and there were small (3" by 6") type windows at eye level, where we would stand and talk to one another's eyes while speaking over telephone receivers.  When looking in these small windows the visitors would actually have a look into our dayroom and the bars beyond that were our cells.  Intermittently between our little visitor windows were pay phones for inmates making calls out. 

Back to that evening, I had just started my visit with Ron and this other inmate (a prostitute who had just been arrested and placed in our tank) had decided to use the pay phone right next to me (probably just 2 feet away) and she started screaming at the person (I was told it was her pimp) on the phone with her.  I calmly asked her to quiet down as I was visiting, so she then starts screaming at the top of her lungs at me.  Next I raised my voice just slightly and told her again to move to another phone.  An officer happened by and told us to stop it and sent Ron on his way, ending our visit early.  I was fuming, Ron had traveled a long way to get there and he could not see well enough to be driving at night in the first place.   I said nothing else to her that evening or the next couple days.  Every time she would walk by me she would brush up against me.  I wondered what that was all about and the women I played cards with told me that's what they do to start a fight.  I had no idea, clueless!

I needed to defuse this thing but didn't know how so I returned to my Bible, praying for guidance.  The last thing I wanted was a fight.  I opened the Bible to 1 Thessalonians, Chapter 5: 13 - 18.  Again, it is The Message version and it said:

• "Get along among yourselves, each of you doing your part.  Our counsel is that you warn the freeloaders to get a move on.  Gently encourage the stragglers, and reach out for the exhausted, pulling them to their feet.  Be patient with each person, attentive to individual needs.  And be careful that when you get on each others' nerves you don't snap at each other.  Look for the best in each other, and always do your best to bring it out.  Be cheerful no matter what; pray all the time;  thank God no matter what happens.  This is the way God wants you who belong to Christ Jesus to live."

It was the perfect thing for me to read, righting my attitude.  Then just a couple days after that the two of us sat together in the dayroom and shared with each other about our lives and how we came to be in Dallas County Jail.  She and I got along beautifully for the rest of our stay in the same tank, showing respect for one another.  The day we split up during a massive move of all inmates out of the condemned Government Center she saw me struggling with the weight of my stuff.  She offered to help me and I accepted.  I remember wanting to cry for her gracious offer and kindness.  Then we said goodbye, with smiles, as we went to our new assignments in a different facility.  All of that happened in one week's time and OH! what a difference the change in my attitude made. 

We can never go wrong by turning to the Word for guidance.  I don't know how I could have survived the three years without it.  God sure is faithful to us and in my life he used a very difficult environment to show me how His Word works....but then where better to see it so clearly.  He had my full attention!

Life Lessons... from a meteorologist?

This must be my influential people blog series.  Last blog I told you about Albert Schweitzer and Victor Frankl and the tremendous impact they have had on my life.  As I contemplated what I could possibly blog about next I was drawing a blank.  So I sat, without thinking, in front of the TV watching all the weather and geological news.  Tornadoes, draught and high winds, tsunami damage, earthquakes, severe thunderstorms, flooding!  I have never cared much about watching television but weather fascinates me.  The whole time I'm watching television and looking out my window to see if I can locate the newest developing wall cloud or funnel cloud or smell the smoke from the wildfires or see my car get pelted by hail or washed away in a flood, I'm thinking "Oh, if Dad were only here, we are having epic proportions of severe weather, he would be right in the middle of all this!"

Growing up in our home with Dad as a meteorologist had a significant influence in my life.  My dad wasn't one of the TV guys.  He worked for the National Weather Service, also known as NOAA (National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration).  For many years we lived in Maryland where he was a forecaster at the Suitland, Maryland office which was NOAA headquarters for the Northern Hemisphere.   In his later years he was Meteorologist-In-Charge ("MIC") at the Albuquerque office which oversaw all of New Mexico and parts of Colorado and Arizona.

There are many characteristics of a man who lives in a world of probabilities.  For instance it was close to impossible as a child to ever get a straight "YES" or "NO" from him.  If I was in a hurry, it would make me crazy!  But, certainly, it was to my benefit to get a "maybe" or a "possibly" on things that my mother might have nixed straight out.  Although, I also remember him explaining to me when a forecast comes out at 50% it is like saying nothing, so one DOES need to take a stand in one direction or the other and not sit on the fence, but it must be well thought out.  Likewise he taught me to question what people call "facts" because quite often those are really opinions and the truth lies somewhere in between the two extremes. 

Many years later, when my first child developed autism and I was told by the public school system he would never develop beyond what he was at the age of four and I would eventually need to institutionalize him, I questioned the experts.  I decided there must be other possibilities, because so long as I was alive (and after, if possible), I would make certain he was never institutionalized.  Further, I spent so much time with him and could clearly see he was a lot smarter than the school was giving him credit for.  What a gift my dad had given me, believing in all the possibilities!  Nate, now almost 20 yrs old, is amazing!  He far exceeded their expectations, what he understands, what he has learned to do and how he communicates in so many ways.  He is a complete joy to be around...my gentle giant.

My meteorologist dad taught me even more!  About the age of eight, I remember being at the grocery store with my mom.  We were checking out, minding our own business, when the grocery clerk started talking about how stupid the weathermen were, they never get anything right, she didn't know why we even had them as she could do a better job herself just looking out the window.  My eyes grew large as I watched my mom closely, she just smiled and when given the chance changed the subject.  When we got out to the car and we were driving away, I asked what that was all about, how come she didn't tell the clerk that was my Daddy she was talking about and tell her she was wrong!  My mom was smart, she said that is a good question for your father, ask him when he gets home.

With tears in my eyes I went running to my dad when he walked in the door that night and told him all about our trip to the grocery.  He smiled and said there is no need to be upset.  He explained many people do that when they don't understand something.  He told me there was nothing more dynamic on this earth than the weather, meaning nothing changes faster.  He then said, "When people criticize the weathermen they are not talking about me.  They are speaking from a place of ignorance.  They don't understand the science or the math of it.  And that's okay.  I never take these things personal and neither should you."

When we developed The NOAH Project there were many who told me it would never work.  But, it worked beautifully, the children responded in ways nobody could have predicted.  Children who hadn't talked the first years of their life, said there first words and more.  Children telling their mom and dad's they loved them, something the parents had given up on years before.  Children, who were previously enveloped in their own world, began playing interactive games.  Daily we were able to celebrate the progress of these special kids.  Had I listened to all the nay sayers that year of successes would have never happened.

When this case came against me, many people disappeared out of my life and some people spoke poorly behind my back.  And, when I lost the trial, even more shrank away.  And, when I came home after three years in prison, there were even fewer.  I just remembered what my father said, don't get angry or hurt, just keep going.  There are many who don't understand how the justice system works.  Even with the most recent exonerations across the country, there are many who don't believe an innocent person can get convicted.  And, they may never change their belief, even in light of all the evidence to the contrary.  That, I have accepted and yes, I do understand, it is not about me and not about truth, it just is what it is.  So, its up to me to move on, knowing that I am okay and doing what I need to do to clear my name.  A GIANT life lesson.

The final story I want to share with you relates to our annual family vacations.  For all the years we lived in Maryland, my parents would stuff our family in the car and travel out west, sometimes for two weeks and sometimes for a month.  We would see relatives all along the way to Dallas, then head to Albuquerque and finally Phoenix.  I always knew when we would hit New Mexico because my dad would start veering off the road.  My mom would scream and we all jumped to attention.  My father would pull over to the side of the road and point to a massive cloud formation.  He'd say, "You see those thunderheads, see how the top of them forms a perfect anvil shape?  You can't see this until we get out here to the wide open spaces, and that anvil shape signifies the most powerful thunderstorm that exists."  He went on to tell us how important it was to respect such power and how it reminded him of the power of God.  The beauty, the perfection, the absolute strength!  He taught us in those weather lessons to honor and respect our Almighty God.  He gave us visuals to anchor our faith.  How grand is that?

Thank you Dad for being in my life and teaching me such important lessons.  May you rest in peace.